Should there be one?

I don't know why I should really bother with these things, i start out to talk about what I do and what I see, but I always just look it away, before it had the chance to get out and into the open.

If I am to continue, I have to promise to just let it all out and don't hold it back, none of it, and try not to sound to omg and over the top, that's just gay. lol.

I already feel better, even though I am now talking to myself, and thinking that the more i talk someone may just as well answer me back. Or not.

Have you ever had a song suck in your head? It just plays a line or two? Over and over, and you start hearing it at the oddest times. When your day dreaming, or in the middle of someone talking to you, it just starts.

Mines the now is Taylor Swift's Love Story.

It just plays at the most randomised time, and continues to play, til i move around and forget that it is even playing there.

It's every time I think about Eddie. It plays and continue to plays.
Why I don't know,
It's not cause of an almost 4 week ago thing that happened.
Which I said yes,
Told the parents, The niece & Nephew and the friends.

Then Eddie said he wouldn't come back in June.
The story there ends, with a few sentences

I Think your wonderful, I am happy to be part of your life, and your friendship is important to me, but there's where I want it to stay. Sure I said yes, cause that's what felt right to say there at that point in time, but I don't want that stuff, I don't want they feelings, not right now. So Forgive me and understand, I love you, I love you Eddie, But I can't, not yet, thank you, but no thank you.

Have you ever heard a pin drop?
When the noise stops, and you hear your heartbeat, you can see it pulse in the mirror, along your neck.

I think it's playing cause I may have made the wrong choice, or I am still ill from this past week, and every little thing is doing me head in.

I haven't smoked or drank in a week. I haven't seen my sisters in ages. Grant has vanished from sight. I haven't heard from Claire in a while and the Battle is almost over.
I have a flat I don't live in, I live in a shed, but sleep on a air bed in the house.
Right now I have nothing to share that is of any use.

When the parents leave to go to work on Tuesday, I am stuck to do the normal, clean the house and make the dinner.
I 'll do that till the Saturday, when I feel like i cant be bothered to do anymore, and then I will start it all over again.

I'm lost at the moment, unsure to what I want or what I can do...